


Survivor's Guilt.

by Bookdragon6660



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Aubergine (Welcome to Night Vale) - Freeform, Autistic Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), Carlos is a Good husband, Carlos the scientist is autistic, Cecil Palmer Has Lyme Disease, Cecil is a Workoholic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hiram McDaniel's Violet Head deserved better., Khoshekh (Welcome to Night Vale) - Freeform, M/M, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22303057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookdragon6660/pseuds/Bookdragon6660
Summary: Flare-ups and setbacks happen, even if it feels like your fault.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Kudos: 26





	Survivor's Guilt.

It had started simply with a large story. A dragon footprint had been found on the edge of town by intern Kareem who frantically texted his boss the host of Night Vale’s community radio show, Cecil palmer. Palmer was a man of his word and his work was important to him. Giving a voice to Night Vale’s news of the day was one of the many things in his life that he felt passion for. He loved his husband, niece, sister, and brother in law as much as a heart could. Cecil had many regrets in his life, his blood often ran hot and he jumped to conclusions too quickly. This nearly lost him his friendship with a former intern of his Dana. It also made him trust too openly in the faith of those in authority. Hyram McDaniel's violet head was wrongly assassinated by Dale Saligar for the crime of trying to assassinate then-mayor Dana. This, being Cecil's job to narrate and report on the findings, could do nothing but watch as his friend’s fate unfolded. This naturally gave him a very prominent sense of guilt and fault In the murder of someone so innocent. Even though Violet's head was controlling Cecil to vicariously live through him, to escape the body that was rebelling against him to execute an adversary of their own making. Anyone with as much empathy and information as Cecil had would undoubtedly be heartbroken at this understanding.  
It was no surprise when Cecil began to stat late as his job to ‘finish up’ some papers and ‘tie a few loose ends’ as he put it. Carlos was naturally understanding but worried about his health. The feeling of accomplishment and satisfactory results were euphoric to him, loving his job and what he did this added to the many things that enticed him into a passionate frenzy. The feeling at the end of the day when he finally allowed his head to hit the pillow and his mind to fade out was a nearly if not definitely a wanton feeling quickly turned into a soft welcomed peaceful sleep.  
Before being abruptly shaken from it by his alarm. It was time for another day of excellence. For the forever time this week. Mayhaps his system of productivity was not quite as spectacular as he had once anticipated. Joints be dammed though, he could deal with a little pain. Work came first right now, it was all he deserved needed to do that was of any import. Irritability be dammed he was just tired, nothing more nothing less. Caffeine and anxiety could do that to a guy, not to worry, not to worry no. He didn’t need to think about the fact that he killed- hadn't been sleeping well. He was going to come back. Cecil liked being busy. He wasn’t a bad person, he was a hard worker. Limping over to the bathroom because of a defiant refusal to use any other aid. He splashed water on his face and then quickly dried it to try and regain composure. To his left floated in all of his priss pussy glory was Koscheck four feet I the air, loaf position as he so often preferred. Wings plastered to his back, tentacles splayed to his sides, legs tucked underneath him as his tail wrapped around his left leg stump, goo eye seeming to wink slowly at his pet parent. Cecil scratched his head and made a beeline to his chair in the booth. But not before leaning against its frame and whimpering in fresh shoots of stabbing pain at every joint. Groaning in pain and lifting his hand up to massage the base of his neck momentarily until intern Kareem knocked gently and with concern etched into his usually diligent and focused face. 

"You okay boss?" is what he would have said if he was not met by an abrupt and sharp. 

"No, stop, get out." by Cecil, breathing heavily and his face twisted in agony. He didn’t look up from his script, didn’t even notice the microphone was on until he checked the time. His show had started ten minutes ago. Skimming the contents one last time as it finally sunk in that the barista district was in an economic slump due to the rise of ‘instant’ coffee because of the economic convenience on the average working citizen. Slim pickings STILL on the dragon footprint that could possibly mean the return of the former mayoral candidate himself. (totally his fault, by the way, he didn’t know why no one bothered to mention it) made it official that the world was horrible place to exist in and so nothing is or will ever be worth it ever again, but if Cecil tried to stop working he found that he literally couldn’t sit still or think about the fact that he could be working harder and producing more and better stories for the show but now. 

He needed ‘rest’ Cecil thought more and more often these days.  
Five more minutes passed of dead air to the town of Night Vale, Carlos began to pace in his lab, tugging as his hair. 

"Oh! Hello listeners. Sorry about that, uh.” Cecil pushed as his brain grew even hazier. Clenching his hands together in his lap, sighed and just turned off the broadcast. Then driving home while ignoring all calls and voicemails, wincing as every joint in his body fired at once.  
When he got home he just lied in bed for what seemed like none of and all of the time tossing and turning, resentful of every part of him. Cecil heard the front door open and the high tenor oaky sound vibrating to the entire abode. Steps were taken as he continues to look for his husband with small yet panicked steps, quick and silent like someone ready to flee at any moment. Eventually, he reached the bedroom, sighed in both relief and growing understanding and sat at the edge of their bed. 

“How do you feel honey-voiced honey?” Carlos sat close enough to Cecil so that his outer thigh touched his foot underneath the covers. Wringing his hands and grinding his teeth, having forgotten his gum in the other coat pocket.  
Cecil scrunched his face and retreated further under the covers without a sound. Carlos grabbed his ankle with a gentle squeeze, trying to win his attention. 

"Hon, I know you are in pain and upset but I can't read your mind. What do you need?" Carlos pressed his mouth into a straight line as he said this, resisting the urge to get up and pace as to not jostle his already distressed husband.  
Cecil peaked his head out of the blanket to dejectedly glance at Carlos' hand as he began to vent. 

"I'm tired and everything hurts and I feel stupid and worthless for not being able to work even though it sucks because I don’t know what I'm even doing anymore" Cecil cut himself off a choked sob before continuing to force himself to word vomit all that had built up in him for far too long. Carlos rubbed his thumb across the joint in consolation and partially his own grounding so he could better pay attention and absorb what Cecil needed to be heard on. It wasn’t that he didn’t want more contact, he simply wasn’t sure that Cecil could handle more than what he was currently taking. 

"I yelled at Kareem and so now he definitely thinks that everyone hates him if not just no longer likes me. And I want him to like me you know? He's such a good kid! He works so hard and Kareem is one of the best interns I've ever come across, I just don’t know what ill do if he hates me. And Hiram." Cecil clamps a hand over his mouth. 

Carlos furrowed his brows in the same instant and pressed him on "What about Hiram?"

"Its nothing bunny, sorry to bring it up." Cecil tried to cover as he held Carlos’s hand in his own, smiling painfully to try and ease his worry.  
Carlos sighed and squeezed the hand gently, ‘im not mad at you Cecil. Are you beating yourself up as an excuse to burn yourself out because you think you need to punish yourself?’  
Cecil crawled into Carlos's lap, the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders as he did so, needing both the physical security and all the attention he could possibly get at that moment. He nodded weakly and whimpered into his shoulder as tears began to wet the fabric of the lab coat. Carlos paused to rock and rub Cecil's back as he collected everything he wanted to say before speaking. 

"You know that what happened to Hiram isn't your fault right? You did the absolute best you could at the time. You did your job and what was required of you well, a few minor setbacks here and there are to be expected but its hardly a reason to self-flagellate to ‘make up’ for some misdoing of something you had absolutely no control over." 

"Okay," Cecil whimpered in response after a moment of silence. 

"I know you know that too. Everythings just fresh and open again so it hurts right?" Carlos asked  
Cecil nodded vigorously before apologizing. 

"You have nothing to apologize for Cecil, you are allowed to be upset by things that shouldn’t have happened to you. Violet was your friend and it hurts to just lose someone like that because you needed to do the right thing. sometimes bad things just happen and people are given the power that they shouldn’t. It's not remotely okay but you will survive. You will be okay because I have seen you recover from heartache. That doesn't have to be now but you will heal." Carlos brought Cecil away from his body enough to see his face as he said this, only to have Cecil lean back to him to soak up the warmth in this statement. Tears nearly dried and sitting comfortably enough to bare his joints long enough to potentially drift off. Just here, here felt good and warm and safe Cecil needed this for so long he didn’t know when.  
Aubergine, their purple puppy decided that very moment to burst through the cracked bedroom door to scurry up the side of the bed into the limited space on both Cecil and Carlos' lap. Cecil shrieked in surprised laughter when the dog began tasting his face for salt samples. Carlos watched and smiled adoringly at the two cuties he had chosen to love. Eventually, the dog needed to go outside so Carlos took him with the promise that Cecil would get some well-needed rest. as the dog found a spot in the yard to do his business Carlos paced on the patio to release tension, normally he could have done this inside in the living room or a hallway or his home office but given Cecil's already overwhelmed state increasing any potentially unwelcomed overwhelm, he genuinely hated it with every fiber of his being. it would go away as soon as Cecil felt better though.  
When he returned Carlos found Cecil typing frantically on his phone, the same look that always accompanied anything work-related. Carlos grabbed it from him protectively immediately. 

"Its work I need it." Cecil weakly protested, making grabby hands for it. 

"You said you were going to rest" Carlos reminded.  
Cecil gave a defeated sigh and fiddled with the fabric surrounding him, guilt welling up inside. 

"Lie down" Carlos demanded softly.  
Cecil complied immediately as Carlos pulled him to his chest and petted his hair as all tension still left in his haggard body seeped out within seconds.  
The next morning Cecil awoke to an empty bedside and the sound of coffee being brewed from the kitchen. The smell of the brew grew stronger as Carlos entered the bedroom, humming in contentment and chewing lavender gum he had stashed in his home office. 

"Wouldnt Want you to get a headache on your first day off now would we?" Carlos smirked. 

"I can work from home" Cecil protested.  
Carlos gave him another stern look and sat down on the foot of the bed again."Your burnt out and completely drained. I know its hard for you to just stop but I am your husband it's my job to care for you as you to me. Let me, you deserve it."  
Leaving no room for an argument they just sat there in comfortable silence. Finishing the coffee and watching the sunrise from out one window. cecil's head on his shoulder and Carlos' hand on his knee.


End file.
